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A place to talk about sex, porn, relationships, and any combination of the three. Archives
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Friday, December 02, 2005
Does This Make You Horny?Yesterday, the Jolly Green Giant bought a dildo for his wife: Click on the image for the whole story. And with all do respect to the good people of Buenos Aires whose obelisk is 67 meters tall... its a good thing we don't do this to the Washington Monument which is 169 meters tall. Not that size matters or anything (but ours is bigger).
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Does This Horse and Buggy Have a Back Seat?Ever have fantasies of having sex in a buggy being drawn by a horse? Do long thick cobs of corn make you horny? Do you get turned on watching cows get milked? Then here is the site for you... Amish Porn! From pictures of women churning butter, to stories like this:
It's like Witness, only dirtier.
I Do Love SmokersI know, smokers these days are reviled, forced to take shame in their dirty habit and run from the rest of civilization. I however love smokers. When I see a nice looking woman with a cigarette in her mouth, I'm instantly attracted. Why you ask? I'd have to say my reasoning is pretty well summed up in this post from A Girl With a One-Track Mind.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Love your neighbor.Previously we'd only met during lunch. Sometimes we'd share sandwiches and stories under the sycamore a few blocks from where we worked. In inclement weather, we'd continue our conversations in a restaurant or café nearby. He became such a nice midday diversion and I'd not thought about him as much more than that.How strange it was to be meeting him at his office after work. I stood in the doorway for a moment, finger on the buzzer, wondering if I should perhaps just leave. Tell him I couldn't find his place. Put off the inevitable indefinitely. As it turned out, he'd anticipated my arrival, so came around to let me in himself. He chatted animatedly about this and that as we walked down the corridor. Once at his office, he conducted me in, locked the door behind him and shut off the lights in the reception area. "So no one decides to drop in unannounced," he laughed. Taking my hand, he led me along on a grand tour of the place. We ended up in a lounge/waiting area a ways from the front entrance, and his manner completely changed. I remember hearing a growl as he grabbed me with one hand by the hair, his other arm around my waist, pulling me towards him. "You know I've been thinking about doing this for a long time, don't you," he hissed as he continued pushing my head towards his, bringing our mouths level. "You're so, so pretty, and all I had to do was ask. Didn't have the courage, though." With that, he kissed me, alternately biting my lips and sucking on my tongue. The roughness must have startled me, because he pulled back a little and apologized. "If I'm too hard on you, please let me know. Sometimes I forget." I smiled and answered that I was a big, strong girl and could take whatever he wanted to give. He chuckled. Somehow, my bag and coat made it off my shoulders and his fingers made their way into my panties. I'd managed to get his tee shirt off and was busy playing with his chest hair and sucking one of his nipples. He moaned and pushed me to my knees. I unzipped his fly, pulled him out of his underpants, and started kissing. I heard a sharp intake of breath and a growl as I took him into my mouth. "You don't mind?" he asked, sounding a little bit surprised. "Of course I don't," I answered back, looking up with faked sternness. "Come on, you know as well as I do that I was trained since childhood to be orally fixated." "Oh yeah -You're absolutely right," he said, laughing a little, "God I love that." He wasn't too large. Just right, in fact, because I didn't have to worry about gagging or choking. I was so pleased about this that I made a point of working him up until he'd come in my mouth. How fun to hear him laugh while he did. Afterwards, he pulled me up to him, hugged me tightly, kissed my nose and cheeks. I pulled my head back a little, batted my eyelashes and said, "gosh, you're sweet. You had a banana for lunch today, didn't you." "How did you?--" again, his mouth was on mine, tongue exploring, tasting. "Guess I am a bit sweet. Not as sweet as you are, though. You're amazing." I blushed. "Oh, gee." He kissed me again, more roughly, and pulled me closer. One of his hands made its way between my legs and started playing with me. "It's your turn now," he hissed again. "You're so beautiful. I want to see you come." He backed me up against a wall, pinning me there while alternately playing with my clitoris and finger-fucking me. I spread my legs a little and began thrusting my hips in rhythm with his hand. "Good girl," he whispered. "I love how wet you are. Do you always get this wet?" Breathing heavily, I nodded. "You're such a good girl. I want you to come for me." I nodded again and started moaning softly. "That's it. Come on, come for me." I moaned even louder as he started thrusting his fingers into me harder and harder. "Good girl..." I remember seeing stars and crying out. Things went blank for a second. When I came to, I was between tears and giggles and felt tingly all over. I didn't know what else to say or do, so I just whispered "thank you." "Thank You," he answered, and gave me a long, much softer kiss. Time to get dressed and head home. After many more kisses, he asked me if he could see me again, soon. "Of course. For lunch, for a walk....for whatever you'd like. You know where to find me." "How about for more of this?" He grinned and pinched me on the behind. I blushed again and smiled.
Friday, November 11, 2005
When You Wish Upon a StarI was crossing a tall bridge last night on my way home when I happened to see a shooting star. It was a very bright one and seemed low in the sky. Who knows, maybe it actually landed somewhere. Suddenly I remembered that I had to make a wish. My mind raced, as you never get to think ahead of time about a wish you make on a star. Birthday wishes you know are coming, and allow for preparations to be made. What should I wish for?Then suddenly my wish flashed across my mind like a bolt of lightning. Huh. Where did that come from? I haven't heard from her in a couple years... and I haven't thought of her in quite a while either. Is a wish on a shooting star showing your deepest desires... or is it more like the wishing equivalent of a Freudian slip?
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Dildo Rental UpdateI thought I'd update on the dildo rental service I posted about earlier. Apparently, they're no longer renting out anal toys:
I'm still wondering why in the world anyone would use a dildo rental service. Is it worth it to try before you buy... or is this more like leasing a car instead of buying it outright?
Just a Random ThoughtWhy is that every time I see the city of Beaver Damn mentioned anywhere... I immediately think of lesbians having safe sex?Speaking of which ... anyone wanna start taking bets on when these two fine upstanding cheerleaders will start their porn careers?
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Make mine vanilla, please.Why is it that so many people equate vanilla with dull? Granted, it's a subtle palate, but there are so many variations - French vanilla, country vanilla, vanilla bean, malted vanilla - all in ice cream alone. Whether the beans come from Madagascar or Mexico has some bearing on perfume. Also, how the beans are treated - fermented or not? Roasted? I could never get bored by "plain vanilla." (Don't get me started on sweet cream.)By that same token, how is it that missionary position got the reputation for being dull or unimaginative? Now, I'll try just about anything once - standing up, on a rocker, underwater...it's fun to experiment. I always end up coming back to Missionary, though. Again, there's a subtler palate to work with than, say, going all Kamasutra on one's partner, but those slight variations are some of the best bell-ringers I know of. In all cases, the biggest turnon for me is the eye-to-eye contact in addition to feeling my partner's weight on me. He could be lying full length on me or just leaning on my chest: love feeling that I have the strength to support him while we're coupling. Also, just by how I position my legs, I can control the depth of his thrusts as well as the angle of attack. My favorite positioning at the moment is wrapping my legs around him as tightly as possible while thrusting my hips back against his. Another one I enjoy is spreading my legs out as far as possible and letting him finger me while riding me - that seems to make for not as intense, but very giggly orgasms. Putting my legs over his shoulders allows for the deepest penetration. Some of the hottest sex I'd ever had was with a lover who loved to take my ass in the missionary position. There's something so deeply intimate about opening yourself up to your partner and having him initiate something potentially quite frightening all while looking into your eyes, kissing you, encouraging you. The first time we ever did that, I came so hard, I nearly passed out. I guess it all comes down to how imaginitive one in their lovemaking as well as how interested one is in playing and experimenting. Happily for me, I've been with some very creative partners and have had a chance to taste some lovely variations of not so "plain vanilla" thanks to them.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Torturous Instant MessagingI have a friend who lives in Australia. We met a couple years ago under rather mundane circumstances, but have remained pretty good friends despite the now multithousand miles that separate us. You should know that I have a thing for accents... especially British and Aussie accents... so its no surprise that I'd keep in touch with her. Recently we've started instant messaging each other a lot more. The time difference is really a killer though, since she usually starts chatting with me around midnight her time, which ends up being about when I get into work in the morning.Her: You're at work? Me: Yep. I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning either. Her: I think I could have woken you up in a way you like. Me: Oh please don't say something like that. You'll get me thinking about things. Her: Like how I wish I were under your desk right now, unzipping your pants, pulling your cock out and sucking it into my mouth? Almost immediately I have a bulge in my pants, and now I can't leave my cube. I just have to hope that nobody decides to walk in and see me in my current situation. Me: Gawd, you're killing me here. Her: Mmmmm... you hard yet? Me: What do you think? Her: Mmmmm.... good. Why don't you start rubbing it then? Me: You know I don't have a door... and well... I don't want to get fired. She enjoys torturing me this way... knowing that I can't look away from her messages, and that there's nothing I can do to relieve myself. Her: I'd slide my tongue underneath the head. I would kiss down the length, and then suck on each of your balls one at a time. Me: Oh gawd... screw work... suck me. By now I've got a spot showing on my pants from the precum that is flowing generously along my thigh, and I start to rub myself through my pants. All the while, she continues with her virtual blow job in excruciating detail. Me: This is almost torture. Her: You should unzip then and stroke that hard cock of yours for me. Me: If only I could. It continued like this for quite a while... until finally I had to do something. I tried to adjust myself as best as I could to run my hardon down my leg, and hoped that the precum spot wasn't too noticeable as I crossed the floor to the bathroom. Then I had to try to remain quiet as I finally had my release. On the one hand... it is absolute torture to have that done to you. On the other hand, I can't help myself and let it happen.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Role ReversalI'd never met the couple down the hall from me before, but I'd like to. Particularly the man, as I'd like to see (and perhaps get some of) what causes his partner to yell during sex as she does. Some days it's loud moans. Others, it's "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!" repeated over and over like some mantra. Sometimes, just a simple "Yes!"The man doesn't often say much, but when he does it's something like "I'm gonna give it to you," or "How do you like that, Baby?" (yes! yes! yes! I love it, I love it, I love it!) The other day, I got to witness the roles being reversed: While walking up the stairs, I heard a loud pounding, and the man yelling very emphatically "YES. YES. YES. JE-SUS, YES." When I got to their door, I was able to hear the woman asking, "Is it Mine? Is it Mine? Come on bitch, Is it Mine?" Boy, did that make my day.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Stuff of DreamsThis morning on my walk to work, I ran into a particularly imposing-looking and handsome Sikh fellow. Smiled at him, but only got a stern look in return. For the rest of my walk, all I could think about was what might be underneath his head covering. How it might feel to run my fingers through that dark, crinkly, untouched-by-scissors hair. What it would be like to have the sort of intimacy that would allow me to see and feel what I can only daydream about.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Wow - Your Breasts Sound GreatAn hypothetical conversation with a woman who just underwent plastic surgery:
That's right... soon you could have speakers in your breast implants. It was only a matter of time I suppose. Read more about it here.
Being much more of a leg and ass man than a breast man, I've never really understood breast implants. But I suppose with the right equipment... I could get on board. What's next? Machine Gun Jumblies?
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Seems Like Bad Advertising To MeA Chinese company has decided to name a line of condoms after Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski
Don't you think that they should have chosen to name their condoms after some people who actually used them? Or do they not remember the splooge stained blue dress? Imagine all the years of presidential controversy that could have avoided if only they had actually used protection.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Just Breathe Through Your NoseNow here is an interesting headline from The Register So is that all Kiwis? Maybe women in New Zealand will take it as a challenge and colleges everywhere across the country will offer electives on deep throating.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Shopping in Foreign CountriesSo you wake up one beautiful morning in a some country in Europe, and you open the refrigerator. What better way could there be to start your morning than with a nice tall glass of... If you're hungry, you can always cook yourself up some...  Those of you with a sweet tooth can always satisfy it with...  I wonder if they have a creamy white filling? I'm not sure what this particular drink smells like, but I bet it must taste great if it sells...  So maybe Big Nuts don't satisfy your candy fetish. Maybe you'd like some banana in your bum...  Now then, I can always go for some of this myself...  If you're still hungry, you can try some of this. I imagine it looks the same going out as it did going in...  And of course when you're done with number two... which you'll need to do after all that eating... make sure to wipe with...  Hey... don't drop your soap!  Of course you might be asking where you could find some of these fine products...  I'm not sure it would be worth the pain.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Right On, TargetI love that Target dot com is so embracing of different lifestyles as to have a whole, separate Water Sports Department.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Another Place I'll Never LiveWell here's an excellent reason to never go to Singapore:
And as if that's not bad enough, later on we learn that:
Life in prison for getting a blowjob? No porn? Not even playboy? Are you kidding me? What exactly are you supposed to do for fun in Singapore anyway?
Monday, August 29, 2005
I Smell a Delicious ConspiracyThe European Union has recently placed an import ban on Chinese clothing. There seem to be a few unintended consequences...
Either the Europeans are really stupid, and don't understand the issues that surround supply chains and demand - or they're a bunch of diabolically brilliant men. Just imagine the government sponsored ads in Britain. Do your part for the country ladies - Go without a bra today! I love to see girls of that... caliber. By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... Two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.
A Little Levity for a Monday MorningA young woman walks into a doctor's office for a consult over a rash she has developed. When the doctor asks to see it, she takes off her top and shows him a large red "H" on her chest. Slightly perplexed, he asks her about her lifestyle, what had happened in the recent past that could possibly have led up to this. Together, they figure out that, since her boyfriend goes to Harvard, it must the wool on the patch of his varsity sweater. The doctor gives her a prescription for some cream and sends her on her way.A couple weeks later, another girl comes into his office complaining about a rash. He asks her to show it to him, so she takes off her shirt. It's a big "Y" on her chest. He asks her, "does your boyfriend go to Yale?" "Why, yes he does, Doctor." The doctor explains that he knows exactly what the problem is, gives her a prescription for some cream, and sends her on her way. Still after that another young lady visits him complaining of a rash on her chest. Confident after his experience with the previous patients, he asks her to take off her top. She does and shows him a large "M" on her chest. "So, where does your boyfriend go to school? Michigan?" "Actually, my girlfriend goes to Wellesley..."
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Reminders of Sex Everywhere It seems that when you're horny, no matter where you look, you're reminded of sex. Even when driving in your car, it's staring you right in the face.
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