The Cumspot

Does This Make You Horny?

2005-12-02T12:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the Jolly Green Giant bought a dildo for his wife:

Click on the image for the whole story. And with all do respect to the good people of Buenos Aires whose obelisk is 67 meters tall... its a good thing we don't do this to the Washington Monument which is 169 meters tall. Not that size matters or anything (but ours is bigger).

Does This Horse and Buggy Have a Back Seat?

2005-11-30T19:13:00.000-08:00

Ever have fantasies of having sex in a buggy being drawn by a horse? Do long thick cobs of corn make you horny? Do you get turned on watching cows get milked? Then here is the site for you... Amish Porn! From pictures of women churning butter, to stories like this:

Jeremiah watched Mary as she churned butter for her sister's wedding the next day. Her strong arms moved up and down, slowly and gracefully, like a delicate flower, but also strong and firm, like a woman who would know how to have her way with her man. He then noticed her supple, round breasts, bouncing roundabout with each powerful thrust she pushed down forcefully onto the butter in the churn below. He then became aroused and tried to hide his throbbing member from Mary.

It's like Witness, only dirtier.

I Do Love Smokers

2005-11-30T19:10:00.000-08:00

I know, smokers these days are reviled, forced to take shame in their dirty habit and run from the rest of civilization. I however love smokers. When I see a nice looking woman with a cigarette in her mouth, I'm instantly attracted. Why you ask? I'd have to say my reasoning is pretty well summed up in this post from A Girl With a One-Track Mind.

Love your neighbor.

2005-11-17T17:30:00.000-08:00

Previously we'd only met during lunch. Sometimes we'd share sandwiches and stories under the sycamore a few blocks from where we worked. In inclement weather, we'd continue our conversations in a restaurant or café nearby. He became such a nice midday diversion and I'd not thought about him as much more than that.

How strange it was to be meeting him at his office after work. I stood in the doorway for a moment, finger on the buzzer, wondering if I should perhaps just leave. Tell him I couldn't find his place. Put off the inevitable indefinitely. As it turned out, he'd anticipated my arrival, so came around to let me in himself. He chatted animatedly about this and that as we walked down the corridor. Once at his office, he conducted me in, locked the door behind him and shut off the lights in the reception area. "So no one decides to drop in unannounced," he laughed. Taking my hand, he led me along on a grand tour of the place. We ended up in a lounge/waiting area a ways from the front entrance, and his manner completely changed. I remember hearing a growl as he grabbed me with one hand by the hair, his other arm around my waist, pulling me towards him. "You know I've been thinking about doing this for a long time, don't you," he hissed as he continued pushing my head towards his, bringing our mouths level. "You're so, so pretty, and all I had to do was ask. Didn't have the courage, though." With that, he kissed me, alternately biting my lips and sucking on my tongue. The roughness must have startled me, because he pulled back a little and apologized. "If I'm too hard on you, please let me know. Sometimes I forget." I smiled and answered that I was a big, strong girl and could take whatever he wanted to give. He chuckled.

Somehow, my bag and coat made it off my shoulders and his fingers made their way into my panties. I'd managed to get his tee shirt off and was busy playing with his chest hair and sucking one of his nipples. He moaned and pushed me to my knees. I unzipped his fly, pulled him out of his underpants, and started kissing. I heard a sharp intake of breath and a growl as I took him into my mouth. "You don't mind?" he asked, sounding a little bit surprised. "Of course I don't," I answered back, looking up with faked sternness. "Come on, you know as well as I do that I was trained since childhood to be orally fixated." "Oh yeah -You're absolutely right," he said, laughing a little, "God I love that."

He wasn't too large. Just right, in fact, because I didn't have to worry about gagging or choking. I was so pleased about this that I made a point of working him up until he'd come in my mouth. How fun to hear him laugh while he did. Afterwards, he pulled me up to him, hugged me tightly, kissed my nose and cheeks. I pulled my head back a little, batted my eyelashes and said, "gosh, you're sweet. You had a banana for lunch today, didn't you."

"How did you?--" again, his mouth was on mine, tongue exploring, tasting. "Guess I am a bit sweet. Not as sweet as you are, though. You're amazing."

I blushed. "Oh, gee."

He kissed me again, more roughly, and pulled me closer. One of his hands made its way between my legs and started playing with me. "It's your turn now," he hissed again. "You're so beautiful. I want to see you come." He backed me up against a wall, pinning me there while alternately playing with my clitoris and finger-fucking me. I spread my legs a little and began thrusting my hips in rhythm with his hand. "Good girl," he whispered. "I love how wet you are. Do you always get this wet?" Breathing heavily, I nodded. "You're such a good girl. I want you to come for me." I nodded again and started moaning softly. "That's it. Come on, come for me." I moaned even louder as he started thrusting his fingers into me harder and harder. "Good girl..."

I remember seeing stars and crying out. Things went blank for a second. When I came to, I was between tears and giggles and felt tingly all over. I didn't know what else to say or do, so I just whispered "thank you."
"Thank You," he answered, and gave me a long, much softer kiss.

Time to get dressed and head home. After many more kisses, he asked me if he could see me again, soon. "Of course. For lunch, for a walk....for whatever you'd like. You know where to find me."
"How about for more of this?" He grinned and pinched me on the behind. I blushed again and smiled.

When You Wish Upon a Star

2005-11-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

I was crossing a tall bridge last night on my way home when I happened to see a shooting star. It was a very bright one and seemed low in the sky. Who knows, maybe it actually landed somewhere. Suddenly I remembered that I had to make a wish. My mind raced, as you never get to think ahead of time about a wish you make on a star. Birthday wishes you know are coming, and allow for preparations to be made. What should I wish for?

Then suddenly my wish flashed across my mind like a bolt of lightning.

Huh. Where did that come from? I haven't heard from her in a couple years... and I haven't thought of her in quite a while either. Is a wish on a shooting star showing your deepest desires... or is it more like the wishing equivalent of a Freudian slip?

Dildo Rental Update

2005-11-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd update on the dildo rental service I posted about earlier. Apparently, they're no longer renting out anal toys:

Effective immediately, we will cease lending anal sex toys to customers. This includes butt plugs, anal beads, anal probes, and dual-penetration dildos. If you currently have one of these types of rental toys, you may keep it without charge as a courtesy accommodation.

We have taken this step due to concerns raised by health officials about the possible spread of fecal-borne disease. Please note, we are confident that our patent-pending cleaning process is sufficient to sterilize toys, even after extensive inter-anal use, and no infections have been reported by our customers. However, we have decided to err on the side of caution by eliminating anal toys from our rental inventory.

As a further precaution, all sex toys returned to us will be tested for fecal matter. If a toy tests positive, the customer returning the toy will be given a warning. Any repeat violations will result in the cancellation of the customer's account and being billed for the cost of the soiled toy.

I'm still wondering why in the world anyone would use a dildo rental service. Is it worth it to try before you buy... or is this more like leasing a car instead of buying it outright?

Just a Random Thought

2005-11-09T08:21:00.000-08:00

Why is that every time I see the city of Beaver Damn mentioned anywhere... I immediately think of lesbians having safe sex?

Speaking of which ... anyone wanna start taking bets on when these two fine upstanding cheerleaders will start their porn careers?

Make mine vanilla, please.

2005-10-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

Why is it that so many people equate vanilla with dull? Granted, it's a subtle palate, but there are so many variations - French vanilla, country vanilla, vanilla bean, malted vanilla - all in ice cream alone. Whether the beans come from Madagascar or Mexico has some bearing on perfume. Also, how the beans are treated - fermented or not? Roasted? I could never get bored by "plain vanilla." (Don't get me started on sweet cream.)

By that same token, how is it that missionary position got the reputation for being dull or unimaginative? Now, I'll try just about anything once - standing up, on a rocker, underwater...it's fun to experiment. I always end up coming back to Missionary, though.
Again, there's a subtler palate to work with than, say, going all Kamasutra on one's partner, but those slight variations are some of the best bell-ringers I know of.

In all cases, the biggest turnon for me is the eye-to-eye contact in addition to feeling my partner's weight on me. He could be lying full length on me or just leaning on my chest: love feeling that I have the strength to support him while we're coupling. Also, just by how I position my legs, I can control the depth of his thrusts as well as the angle of attack. My favorite positioning at the moment is wrapping my legs around him as tightly as possible while thrusting my hips back against his. Another one I enjoy is spreading my legs out as far as possible and letting him finger me while riding me - that seems to make for not as intense, but very giggly orgasms. Putting my legs over his shoulders allows for the deepest penetration.

Some of the hottest sex I'd ever had was with a lover who loved to take my ass in the missionary position. There's something so deeply intimate about opening yourself up to your partner and having him initiate something potentially quite frightening all while looking into your eyes, kissing you, encouraging you. The first time we ever did that, I came so hard, I nearly passed out.

I guess it all comes down to how imaginitive one in their lovemaking as well as how interested one is in playing and experimenting. Happily for me, I've been with some very creative partners and have had a chance to taste some lovely variations of not so "plain vanilla" thanks to them.

Torturous Instant Messaging

2005-10-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who lives in Australia. We met a couple years ago under rather mundane circumstances, but have remained pretty good friends despite the now multithousand miles that separate us. You should know that I have a thing for accents... especially British and Aussie accents... so its no surprise that I'd keep in touch with her. Recently we've started instant messaging each other a lot more. The time difference is really a killer though, since she usually starts chatting with me around midnight her time, which ends up being about when I get into work in the morning.

Her: You're at work?
Me: Yep. I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning either.
Her: I think I could have woken you up in a way you like.
Me: Oh please don't say something like that. You'll get me thinking about things.
Her: Like how I wish I were under your desk right now, unzipping your pants, pulling your cock out and sucking it into my mouth?

Almost immediately I have a bulge in my pants, and now I can't leave my cube. I just have to hope that nobody decides to walk in and see me in my current situation.

Me: Gawd, you're killing me here.
Her: Mmmmm... you hard yet?
Me: What do you think?
Her: Mmmmm.... good. Why don't you start rubbing it then?
Me: You know I don't have a door... and well... I don't want to get fired.

She enjoys torturing me this way... knowing that I can't look away from her messages, and that there's nothing I can do to relieve myself.

Her: I'd slide my tongue underneath the head. I would kiss down the length, and then suck on each of your balls one at a time.
Me: Oh gawd... screw work... suck me.

By now I've got a spot showing on my pants from the precum that is flowing generously along my thigh, and I start to rub myself through my pants. All the while, she continues with her virtual blow job in excruciating detail.

Me: This is almost torture.
Her: You should unzip then and stroke that hard cock of yours for me.
Me: If only I could.

It continued like this for quite a while... until finally I had to do something. I tried to adjust myself as best as I could to run my hardon down my leg, and hoped that the precum spot wasn't too noticeable as I crossed the floor to the bathroom. Then I had to try to remain quiet as I finally had my release.

On the one hand... it is absolute torture to have that done to you. On the other hand, I can't help myself and let it happen.

Role Reversal

2005-10-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

I'd never met the couple down the hall from me before, but I'd like to. Particularly the man, as I'd like to see (and perhaps get some of) what causes his partner to yell during sex as she does. Some days it's loud moans. Others, it's "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!" repeated over and over like some mantra. Sometimes, just a simple "Yes!"

The man doesn't often say much, but when he does it's something like "I'm gonna give it to you," or "How do you like that, Baby?" (yes! yes! yes! I love it, I love it, I love it!)

The other day, I got to witness the roles being reversed: While walking up the stairs, I heard a loud pounding, and the man yelling very emphatically "YES. YES. YES. JE-SUS, YES." When I got to their door, I was able to hear the woman asking, "Is it Mine? Is it Mine? Come on bitch, Is it Mine?"

Boy, did that make my day.

Stuff of Dreams

2005-10-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

This morning on my walk to work, I ran into a particularly imposing-looking and handsome Sikh fellow. Smiled at him, but only got a stern look in return. For the rest of my walk, all I could think about was what might be underneath his head covering. How it might feel to run my fingers through that dark, crinkly, untouched-by-scissors hair. What it would be like to have the sort of intimacy that would allow me to see and feel what I can only daydream about.

Wow - Your Breasts Sound Great

2005-10-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

An hypothetical conversation with a woman who just underwent plastic surgery:

Me: Your breasts sound great.
Woman: They sound great? Well how do they look?
Me: Eh... they look kinda fake. But I have to tell you, the treble and bass coming out of those babies is incredible! Are they Dolby 5.1?
Woman: Yeah they are... the bass really reverberates through my pussy.

That's right... soon you could have speakers in your breast implants. It was only a matter of time I suppose. Read more about it here.

Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman's breast implants.

One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person's whole music collection.

BT futurology, who have developed the idea, say it could be available within 15 years.

Being much more of a leg and ass man than a breast man, I've never really understood breast implants. But I suppose with the right equipment... I could get on board. What's next? Machine Gun Jumblies?

Seems Like Bad Advertising To Me

2005-09-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

A Chinese company has decided to name a line of condoms after Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski

A rubber company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names Clinton and Lewinsky.

Spokesman Liu Wenhua, of the Guangzhou Rubber Group, said the company was handing out 100,000 free Clinton and Lewinsky condoms as part of a promotion to raise consumer awareness of its new products.

Liu said the company had chosen to use the Clinton name because consumers viewed the 42nd president as a responsible person, who would want to stress safe sex as an effective way to prevent the spread of the HIV virus.

Don't you think that they should have chosen to name their condoms after some people who actually used them? Or do they not remember the splooge stained blue dress? Imagine all the years of presidential controversy that could have avoided if only they had actually used protection.

Just Breathe Through Your Nose

2005-09-19T17:05:00.000-07:00

Now here is an interesting headline from The Register

So is that all Kiwis? Maybe women in New Zealand will take it as a challenge and colleges everywhere across the country will offer electives on deep throating.

Shopping in Foreign Countries

2005-09-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

So you wake up one beautiful morning in a some country in Europe, and you open the refrigerator. What better way could there be to start your morning than with a nice tall glass of...

If you're hungry, you can always cook yourself up some...

Those of you with a sweet tooth can always satisfy it with...

I wonder if they have a creamy white filling?

I'm not sure what this particular drink smells like, but I bet it must taste great if it sells...

So maybe Big Nuts don't satisfy your candy fetish. Maybe you'd like some banana in your bum...

Now then, I can always go for some of this myself...

If you're still hungry, you can try some of this. I imagine it looks the same going out as it did going in...

And of course when you're done with number two... which you'll need to do after all that eating... make sure to wipe with...

Hey... don't drop your soap!

Of course you might be asking where you could find some of these fine products...

I'm not sure it would be worth the pain.

Right On, Target

2005-09-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

I love that Target dot com is so embracing of different lifestyles as to have a whole, separate Water Sports Department.

Another Place I'll Never Live

2005-08-31T08:25:00.000-07:00

Well here's an excellent reason to never go to Singapore:

Singapore police handcuffed and locked up a U.S. citizen for bringing 58 pornographic DVDs and video CDs into the wealthy city-state when he moved to Singapore last year, a newspaper reported Thursday.

The Straits Times said Singapore state prosecutors had dropped charges of possessing uncertified and obscene films against Tran Nghia Hong after he presented them with a declaration by his brother, stating that he was missing "certain DVDs."

The films, found by Singapore customs officers in a shipment of his belongings from California, included titles such as "Frivolous Lola," "Copulation Nation" and "Lord of the Strings."

And as if that's not bad enough, later on we learn that:

Despite efforts to loosen some of its social controls, many tough rules remain in Singapore. "Playboy" magazine is banned, while oral sex remains technically illegal under a law that says "whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animals" can be fined and jailed up to 10 years, or even for life.

Life in prison for getting a blowjob? No porn? Not even playboy? Are you kidding me? What exactly are you supposed to do for fun in Singapore anyway?

I Smell a Delicious Conspiracy

2005-08-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

The European Union has recently placed an import ban on Chinese clothing. There seem to be a few unintended consequences...

BRITAIN could be facing a bra shortage after an EU ban blocked Â£50 million of Chinese-made clothing heading for the UK, a trade body warned today.

It means some shops could run out of trousers, pullovers, blouses and other items in the coming months, the British Retail Consortium (BRC) said.

And the number of bras on shop floors could also drop, a spokeswoman for the BRC said.

The clothing is barred from entering Europe because of a recent change to EU quotas for clothing and textiles imported from China.

Either the Europeans are really stupid, and don't understand the issues that surround supply chains and demand - or they're a bunch of diabolically brilliant men. Just imagine the government sponsored ads in Britain. Do your part for the country ladies - Go without a bra today!

I love to see girls of that... caliber. By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... Two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.

A Little Levity for a Monday Morning

2005-08-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

A young woman walks into a doctor's office for a consult over a rash she has developed. When the doctor asks to see it, she takes off her top and shows him a large red "H" on her chest. Slightly perplexed, he asks her about her lifestyle, what had happened in the recent past that could possibly have led up to this. Together, they figure out that, since her boyfriend goes to Harvard, it must the wool on the patch of his varsity sweater. The doctor gives her a prescription for some cream and sends her on her way.

A couple weeks later, another girl comes into his office complaining about a rash. He asks her to show it to him, so she takes off her shirt. It's a big "Y" on her chest. He asks her, "does your boyfriend go to Yale?" "Why, yes he does, Doctor." The doctor explains that he knows exactly what the problem is, gives her a prescription for some cream, and sends her on her way.

Still after that another young lady visits him complaining of a rash on her chest. Confident after his experience with the previous patients, he asks her to take off her top. She does and shows him a large "M" on her chest. "So, where does your boyfriend go to school? Michigan?"

"Actually, my girlfriend goes to Wellesley..."

Reminders of Sex Everywhere

2005-08-11T16:08:00.000-07:00

It seems that when you're horny, no matter where you look, you're reminded of sex. Even when driving in your car, it's staring you right in the face.

PETA Pisses Off Female Members

2005-08-05T10:54:00.000-07:00

PETA doesn't want you to go down on women. Honest! They're currently selling this thong on one of their websites. I think it's time they adjust their marketing strategy. After all, it doesn't make a lot of sense to alienate half the population. And just for the record, I do eat meat... and I do eat pussy.

I Hate That Guy

2005-07-29T16:28:00.000-07:00

Alright, so you've finally worked up the nerve to ask the question to the woman you're seeing. Would she like to have anal sex? She looks at you with a grim look on her face and flatly says "No way". Foolishly you ask her why, thinking that somehow you'll be able to convince her otherwise. "I tried it once before with another guy. It just hurt too much. I never want to do that again."

That's the guy I hate. The guy who ruins anal sex for women for the rest of their lives because they have no clue what they're doing. Those who have successfully done the act can blow by the rest of this post, unless of course you'd like to fact check me, or provide extra comments as they're always welcome. For those who are interested in trying it out and never have (or caused your woman severe pain when you did)... allow me to provide a few helpful rules, in no particular order. I do this purely for my own benefit, as I may be dating your current girlfriend after she dumps you.

Rule 1: Don't Watch Porn for Tips on Anal Sex. Except for a few instructional how-to movies (like this one and this one), they cut out all the really important stuff that leads up to good anal sex, and only show the penetration itself.

Rule 2: Lube! There is no such thing as too much lube. The rectum is not like the vagina in that it doesn't produce any natural lubrication.

Rule 3: Lube! Yes - It's that important. I recommend Astroglide.

Rule 4: Take Your Time. If she's never done this before, then I hate to disappoint you, but it's not going to happen immediately. You will need to warm her up. This is not something you should rush through.

Rule 5: Be Gentle. Start with a well lubed finger, and take your time. I recommend always using fingers first even when you've been doing it together for a while. It's a good way to make sure everything is well lubed inside her and you don't hit any "dry spots" which can catch and cause pain. After 20 minutes or so, add a second finger and keep going. Kiss her. Talk to her. Encourage her.

Rule 6: Don't Tell Her to Relax. I find this is something akin to telling someone not to look down when crossing a rope bridge. This is not a solid rule, you may find that it's helpful. In general however, I've found it to be counterproductive. It makes her think about being tense, which will make her tense up. Instead put her at ease over how she's doing so far and that you're not going to rush anything. Once again, kissing and encouragement are the order of the day.

Rule 7: Be Clean and Safe. Some sort of flush is often times helpful. It can help her feel more confident about her body and relaxed about the whole thing. Either way, use a condom. There are some nasty things that can lurk up there. And of course never go from ass to pussy, or ass to mouth for that matter (though I'm sure some people will diagree with me).

Rule 8: If It Hurts, Then You're Doing Something Wrong. I will grant you that its very difficult to do it without at least a little bit of pain in the beginning. Just remember, this is supposed to feel good for both of you. If it hurts then you either didn't lubricate well enough, you didn't spend enough time fingering her, or she's just not confortable enough. Stop what you're doing now and figure out how to make it better before you become that guy. That might mean stopping altother and waiting until another time.

The Dreaded Question

2005-07-27T17:05:00.000-07:00

Do I look fat? Before continuing, read that post as it's too funny to try to quote out of.

You're back? Excellent. Ladies, allow me to answer that question for you. The answer is always yes. If you didn't think you were, then you wouldn't have asked it in the first place! The problem is that we might not agree with your assessment (in which case you never seem to believe us), or what little bit of fat you may have doesn't matter to us (in which case you never seem to believe us).

With that said, some women have suggested that when they ask that question, they want an honest answer, and that the women who trap men with it have ruined the question for them. They simply want to know whether a certain dress is not flattering, or whether a sweater shows too much bulge. They're lying. If that's what they were actually after, then they wouldn't ask "Do I look fat?", they would ask "Does this look flattering?" or "Does this look good on me?" Granted those questions can also have the same effect of trapping someone, but at least its a more honest approach.

It's all a matter of self confidence. I once dated a woman who was very petite, with great legs and a fine ass. In fact, from a purely superficial viewpoint, her ass was the best part about her in my humble opinion. However, she complained all the time about how her ass was too big. She exercised, she ran, she was very fit. It didn't matter. I could tell her that her ass was incredible, and be totally honest about it, because it was incredible. It didn't matter. In the end it came down to her lacking confidence about her body, and how attractive she thought she was. No amount of reassuring on my part seemed to matter.

In the end the question is self defeating. Of course that won't keep women from asking now will it?

More On Effective Communication

2005-07-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

Reading today's Savage Love gave me a bigger laugh than usual. I actually feel badly for Savage on this particular occupational hazard, but was also very interested at the conclusions he'd arrive at regarding going down on a girl. After his hilarious gingerly dealing with the unsavory-to-him details of this particular act, he concluded that it was all about good communication and asking your partner what gets her going.

Oral sex is a one way thing for me: I'll go down on my guy till the cows come home. I don't, however, care for being eaten out. Chalk it up to too many boyfriends who thought they were Oral Casanovas and never actually asked me what did it for me. (Heck, one partner even suggested that I might have a problem, since he'd never received complaints on his skills in that area before.)

Unless there's the possibility of any great innovations in cunnilingus technique coming around the bend, I honestly prefer other physical expressions of love to this (again, unless the person I'm with really enjoys it). For my enjoyment, however, I'd rather concentrate on other things (eye-to-eye contact, fingers and lots of kissing on the mouth) than continue to flog one dead horse.

Ouch! Splinters!

2005-07-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

Alright - You just know that only a guy would think a wooden dildo that has a bottle opener on one end was a good idea:

Yes. Believe it or not, this is a fully functional bottle opener! How ever else it functions, is your business. Just beware of splinters! Woody is the perfect drinking buddy and you don't have to worry if he's going to call you in the morning. This is completely hand carved, sanded, and finished. Woody is a manly 7-8" long and approximately 1 1/2" in diameter. Because they are hand crafted, each will vary slightly in size and shape (kinda like the real thing!)

Woody is available for bachelor/bachelorette parties, weddings, birthdays, gag gifts, or just quality time at home!

On the Importance of Good Communication and an Open Mind

2005-07-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

I can't speak for all women - some may have had bad experiences with insensitive/inexperienced boyfriends, some may have been women's studies majors where they were taught that this sort of stuff is "demeaning to women." All I can say for myself is that, thanks to some really incredible partners, I *love* both anal and oral sex.

With anal sex - I was afraid, because I was told that it is painful (much like they say about losing one's virginity). My first experience was kind of awful - the guy just sort of pounded at me until I was bleeding afterwards. Several years later, a friend of mine who I had a fling with tried again with me - he said that he loved anal and he loved teaching his girlfriends to love it. We were in missionary when he tried to enter me. I was obviously scared because I clenched, so he just said to me "let me kiss you." (he was an incredible kisser) I did and forgot about him trying to penetrate my ass. As a result, I totally relaxed, he entered me, and we had an amazing time - first time I ever came, in fact, in the missionary position.

A guy I see from time to time now is very gentle like my first friend, but he likes to bend me over a desk or couch. He always makes sure that we're lubricated enough and that I'm relaxed, but he gives me a serious pounding. I love feeling a little bit sore for a day or two afterwards. I always cum, too.

As for the Oral Thing - it could be that I was trained to be Oral from a very young age (am a woodwind player), but I think that blowjobs are a girl's best friend. If you have your period and that grosses your guy out - you can always take care of him with your mouth. Also - there's a sense of power in having a guy's dick in your mouth - think of a lion tamer putting his head in the lion's maw: it's a total act of trust. As for your guy cumming in your mouth or on your face, chest, whatever - the best thing is to try all of them. I have dated a few marathon runners who eat different things during their various states of training. It's fun to discern between lots of bananas or other fruit (sweet) and normal time (kind of salty). If you keep a towel handy, it's fun to let them cum on your face or chest. (I've found that spunk has a weird numbing effect on my face).

In sum, it's important to have good communication with your partner. I've been lucky, and am not afraid at all to speak my piece, so do not mind at all "expanding my horizons" every now and again.

Popping The Question

2005-07-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

No - not marriage. How do you ask for what you want? Good sex is all about good communication - pure and simple. But for me at least, there is always the fear that you'll ruin something good over some silly request. Asking for a blowjob isn't usually an issue in my experience. Most women who are into it just do it. Those who don't just do it, usually won't. Oral sex is so common, and in many ways expected, so there is no stigma attached.

But other things are harder to get into. Will asking to have anal sex freak her out? And if you don't ask, and she is really into it, is she afraid to admit it to you? So you could both end up wanting to do it - and never do. How fucked up is that?

So whether you want to go up her ass... or you want her to stap something on and go up yours... want her to sit on your face... or who knows what else... how or when do you ask? Obviously you can never remove the risk totally of rejection and having her dump you for being the freak you are - but how do you do it the best possible way?

There is the Sex and the City way:
Miranda: How exactly did he put it?
Charlotte: Charlotte, we've been going out for a few weeks now - and after dinner tomorrow I want to have anal sex.
* Taxi Hits a Pothole *
Charlotte: What was that?
Everyone Else: A preview!

Could it be that simple? Hmmmm.

Who Would You Believe?

2005-07-22T16:37:00.000-07:00

According to Pravda, sex makes you healthy, cheerful, strong, beautiful and sleepy. I know, quite a revelation isn't it?

It is an open secret that a person gets into a cheerful mood during an act of love. In addition to purely psychological satisfaction, the human body produces endorphin - the hormone in charge of elevated spirits and positive perception of the environment.
...
Prior to the culminating moment of an act of love, orgasm, the brain emits a dose of oxytocin - the hormone of the posterior lobe of pituitary. Oxytocin results in the production of sedative endorphins - natural analogues of morphine. Sex spurs the production of estrogen with women - the substance, which eases premenstrual pains. Therefore, sex is the best painkiller.
...
One may say that a bed is the best equipment for physical exercises that man has ever designed. The pulse rate of a sexually excited individual increases from 70 to 150 beats per minute, which is comparable to muscle efforts of a weight-lifter. Only one sexual intercourse burns off the same amount of calories that a person loses running on a treadmill for 15 minutes. Needless to say that the first option is much more pleasant than the second one. Thirty minutes of sex kill about 200 calories. In other words, daily sex can take away 500 grams of your weight in a week.

But according to the Guardian, some of those same brain chemicals when produced due to exposure to pornography damages your brain:

According to Dr Judith Reisman, pornography affects the physical structure of your brain turning you into a porno-zombie. Porn, she says, is an "erototoxin", producing an addictive "drug cocktail" of testosterone, oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin with a measurable organic effect on the brain.

Some of us might consider this a good thing. Not Reisman: erototoxins aren't about pleasure, they're a "fear-sex-shame-and-anger stimulant".
...
They hope to raise at least $3m to conduct MRI scans on victims under the influence of porn and so prove their theories correct. They foresee two possible outcomes: if they can demonstrate that porn physically "damages" the brain, that might open the floodgates for "big tobacco"-style lawsuits against porn publishers and distributors; second, and more insidiously, if porn can be shown to "subvert cognition" and affect the parts of the brain involved in reasoning and speech, then "these toxic media should be legally outlawed, as is all other toxic waste, and eliminated from our societal structure".

So if all these chemicals are so beneficial when release during actual sex, how could they not be just as beneficial when released from watching (and more than likely masturbating) to pornography? Here's the best part of course:

Much of Reisman's research in developing her theory has necessitated examining hundreds, perhaps thousands, of pornographic magazines and films. By her own reasoning her brain ought, by now, to be a seething mass of toxic smutmulch ...

I'm sure it was just horrible to have to expose herself to so much porn. Her brain must be just a shell of its former self. Either that, or she'll never get the flu again. Personally... I prefer the first theory, and try to practice it as much as possible. As for the porn... hell... I enjoy that too.

Where Did We Go?

2005-07-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

I know Belle Helene has been having her own personal issues that she's been working out - and it's not my place to talk about them. But where did you go CS? I'll be honest with you. This was an experiment for me. I have another blog that I maintain - and thought it might be fun to try a sex blog. I did really enjoy it. I was also very surprised that I got as much traffic as I did - and have continued to even though I stopped posting. I also felt a little angry that this blog got more traffic when I wasn't writing to it, than my other blog does when I write to that one regularly. Don't let anyone ever tell you that sex doesn't sell. I also started to feel guilty about not posting here, especially with some of the gracious links from people, and am going to get back to posting here. I promise.

So with all that said, I did learn a few things about myself in the short time I was posting before. I'm not as much of an exhibitionist as I thought I was. I thought that it would be easy to write to a sex blog simply because my mind is in the gutter quite often. I've discovered that it's not enough though (as many other sex bloggers could have told me I'm sure). I think in order to write to a sex blog - you have to be very dirty and repressed enough to need an outlet, or you have to be an exhibitionist. Most of the time I was thinking I'd rather just go out and do it rather then write out it. I also think my normal sarcasm seemed to get in the way of being seriously sexual if that makes any sense. I like to think that this style made this blog enjoyable, but it also made it hard to write because I thought I wasn't being serious enough about the topic. I know - serious about sex - go figure. Isn't it supposed to be fun?

So I'm off to try it again - hopefully learning from my mistakes. I will try to mix my comedy and sarcasm with good old fashioned guttural thinking, and I hope you enjoy it. Maybe as time goes on - I will come out of my shell gradually, and you can join me for the ride. Belle will also return with her own whit and style, and will dazzle you with her exploits - I have no doubt in my mind about that.

The Cumspot isn't going anywhere, so grab a tissue and have some fun.

Would You Rent a Dildo?

2005-05-18T15:14:00.000-07:00

That's the ultimate question being asked by this new startup company called - you guessed it - Rent-A-Dildo. For $19.99 a month, you get a sex toy shipped to you for your use. When you're done, you ship it back for free and get another one. There are a few different pricing models available as well where you can get more than one per month. Here is the gotcha. They're not necessarily new. That's right - you could get a used toy, which they've put through their special cleaning process. Somehow I just don't see it being worth it myself, but you might disagree. They're accepting "beta testers" right now. No word yet on when they'll open up officially to new customers. It's NetFlix for the sex toy industry.

You Do Know It's Not an Actual Bone Right?

2005-05-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

The boner. The classic euphemism for the dick, cock, hardon, phallus. The penis. Yet despite this tried and true name, there is actually no bone in there. So how do you fracture it?

A woman isn't legally responsible for injuries her boyfriend suffered while they were having consensual sex more than a decade ago, a state appeals court ruled Monday.

The man, identified only as John Doe in court papers, filed suit against the woman in 1997, claiming she was negligent when she suddenly changed positions, landed awkwardly on him and fractured his penis.

The man underwent emergency surgery in September 1994, "endured a painful and lengthy recovery" and has suffered from sexual dysfunction that hasn't responded to medication or counseling, the appeals court said.

I think we need more information on this one. Luckily for us the full text of the judicial opinion is available online. Don't you just love the internet?

The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant's body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff's legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff's abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.

Although this was generally a position the couple had used before without incident, the defendant did vary slightly the position previously used, without prior specific discussion and without the explicit prior consent of the plaintiff. It is this variation that the plaintiff claims caused his injury. . . . The plaintiff's injuries were serious and required emergency surgery. He has endured a painful and lengthy recovery. He has suffered from sexual dysfunction that neither medication nor counseling have been able to treat effectively.

First of all, I give full marks to the judge who wrote up this opinion if he could do it without laughing his ass off while doing it. Secondly, "vary slightly the position previously used without prior specific discussion"? Are you kidding me? If a woman is on top of you and doing it well - are you seriously telling me that you're paying attention to specific angles and positions from one time to the next to tell if it's different by a little bit? Believe me - one thing I'm not doing in the throws of hot sex is measuring anything with a protractor.

More than that - do you really want to hear this during sex? "Honey, I'm going to move back about 10 degrees. Is that alright with you? Ok, now I'm going to move left about 2 degrees. Is that ok?"

I feel sorry for the guy. Honestly I do. I am still a little unclear on one thing though. Did it break while inside her? Because if it did - I want to meet that woman.

Not That You Need Another Reason

2005-05-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

But having sex may prevent prostate cancer guys:

The team concludes that the more men ejaculate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop prostate cancer.

The protective effect is greatest while men are in their twenties: those who had ejaculated more than five times per week in their twenties, for instance, were one-third less likely to develop aggressive prostate cancer later in life (BJU International, vol 92, p 211).....

"It's a prostatic stagnation hypothesis," says Giles. "The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them."

Flush the ducts - how romantic. So next time a guy comes up to you in the bar ladies and says "Wanna save my life?" It's not just another cheesy come on. Well it is - but this one is at least true.

The same study also points to a similar theory regaring preventing breast cancer in women. Unfortunately it's not nearly as pleasurable:

His findings suggest an intriguing parallel between prostate cancer and breast cancer, as recent studies indicate that lactating reduces a woman's risk of breast cancer, perhaps because this also flushes out carcinogens.

There you have it.

Another Point of View

2005-05-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

A while ago I talked about trimming ye ole hedges. Of course everyone has a different point of view, and here is the other side of the argument:

Suddenly, every time I was on a date in a man’s apartment and excused myself to the bathroom, rather than being surrounded by a bottle of cologne and a micro-chip sized bar of soap with a pubic hair on it, I would see all this extra equipment. If I forgot my moisturizer, I could use his. Hair out of place? What luck! Johnny has some pomade! Pesky back hair? Why, it’s my lucky day…here’s a razor rubber-banded to a ruler! Perfect!

I just love cuddling up to these new-century men on a chilly evening. The way they wrap their shiny, silky-soft arms around me and stab me all over my back with their stubbly, two-day grown-in chest hair... I get the chills just thinking about it. And they smell like rose gardens! They never get sweaty! And when they take off their pants, there’s none of that awful, dirty pubic hair. Nope, it’s ALL shaved off. Every...last...bit of it. So all that’s left is soft, pink, shiny, prepubescent-like skin.

YUCK! Why are you doing this to me, men??? Why are you all turning gay? I'm a heterosexual woman, and I want a MAN! I am a feminine being; I need to be the yin for your yang! I'm a grown woman looking for a grown man, not one that looks like a hairless little boy!

For the record I keep my hairy legs... and chest. But I do shave the back. I won't say how much I have to remove though. I will say this. At least I can't make a rug out of what comes off. Read the whole thing though... I laughed my ass off.

Don't Spit, Swallow

2005-05-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

Are you tired of going down on your boyfriend only to be assaulted with nasty tasting spunk? Does your girlfriend not understand why swallowing is so important to you? Head on over to Don't Spit, Swallow. It has tips on improving flavor, techniques for swallowing without gagging (or tasting too much), and even a section describing why you should swallow, and much more. If you enjoy giving or receiving head (and who doesn't?), then this is the site for you.

Cum: It does a body good?
Cum: It's what's for dinner?
Cum: The other other white... well not exactly meat, but it does come from meat... and it does have protein.

I Had a Dream Last Night

2005-05-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

This in and of itself is not that strange, though this was probably the wierdest dream I've ever had. I suppose it all started with the girl from high school who I've been seeing at the local coffee shop from time to time. With that said, we actually haven't spoken to each other... I simply recognized her. We weren't friends or anything.

So last night I had a dream. It was my bachelor party, though I have no idea who my bride to be was. Suddenly some cheap stripper music started to fill the air... and I looked in the corner where the crowd had parted to see the ugliest, fattest, most gawd awful stripper you've ever seen in your life. She started to dance a little... but then everyone broke into laughter as she walked away... a bit of a joke being played by my brother.

Then came the actual "strippers". They were dressed in leather corsets and knee high leather boots. One of them was the girl from high school.. which is strange because she was always the mousy type. The other one I think was Hips, but I'm not sure. After not too long I find myself hand cuffed to the chair... while Hips straddled me... saying that she was going to punish me for getting married. I'm having a hard time really picking out too many details from this part of the dream, which is unfortunate because it was the most enjoyable.

The high school stripper didn't really do much except egg Hips on from the background, and dance a bit. Well, she was useful in that she hooked up the jumper cables to the car battery. You read that right. All of a sudden I find that I have a velvet hood over my head... and I hear the distinct noise that is caused when you touch to live jumper cables together. Then I felt it... on my balls. I'm not sure I yelled out in real life... I haven't had a neighbor complain to me yet... but I sure did in my dream.

With skill, or strength, I'm not sure which, I broke free of the cuffs and managed to shove Hips off of me and rip the hood off my head. She laid there on the ground quite pissed off... saying "Now you're in for it!"

Then the alarm went off. I sat up in bed... and hit the reset on my alarm not quite sure what was going on. I swear to God I could feel the sting on my balls. Normally I wake up with a hard on... guaranteed almost every morning. Not this one.

I am not into S&M, and I have never before in my life had a dream like that before... and I'm quite mystified as to where this one came from. Thoughts anyone?

The Secret Ingredient

2005-04-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

Oh My God! This soup is delicious... what's in it?
Are you sure you want to know?
I have to know - this is incredble. What's your secret ingredient?
Why - It's Cum!:

According to their website, they used to have a bulletin board, but the popularity of it overloaded their servers. Now they're preparing a cookbook called "Cooking with Cum". Here is a quote from the introduction:

“We humans are truly omnivores – we eat everything. As long as something edible either tastes good, makes us feel good, provides energy, nutrition, or adds a pleasurable texture we find ways to eat it. Anyone who has traveled abroad knows that foods we might find strange or unusual can be considered delicacies in other countries. In Sweden for example rotten fish is a national dish. In Australia concentrated yeast extract is spread on toast for breakfast. The British love their blood sausage, and in Peru guinea pigs are roasted for dinner. And we Americans consume vast amounts of milk - mammary secretions from cows.

Semen is very nutritious, it has a palatable texture and has wonderful cooking properties. Like fine wine or cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is also commonly available in many homes and restaurants and it is inexpensive to produce. Despite all these positive qualities semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that!"

I suppose this shouldn't surpise me. After all, people have been eating it raw for years. Why should it be considered strange to cook with it? I'm not sure that their claim that cum is nutritious is really true though. I'll leave that to my readers to decide for themselves.

Would You Have Pressed Charges?

2005-04-28T11:39:00.000-07:00

Norwegian Court Convicts First Woman for Rape:

A Norwegian court has sentenced a woman to nine months in jail for raping a man, the first such conviction in the Scandinavian country that prides itself for its egalitarianism.

The 31-year-old man fell asleep on a sofa at a party in January last year and told the court in the western city of Bergen he woke to find the 23-year-old woman was having oral sex with him.

Under Norwegian law, all sexual acts with someone who is "unconscious or for other reasons unable to oppose the act" are considered rape.

The court sentenced the woman Wednesday to nine months in jail and ordered her to pay 40,000 Norwegian crowns ($6,355) in compensation.

"This is a very harsh sentence," the woman's lawyer, Per Magne Kristiansen, told the Norwegian news agency NTB. The woman argued the man had been awake and consented.

Now I ask you - What sane man would actually press charges if he found himself in that situation? Well, maybe if she was rough with her teeth or something, or bit down. Ouch.

More Erotic Poetry

2005-04-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

If you enjoyed Belle's selection from E.E. Cummings, then might I suggest you head over to Miss Macy's Bliss where she has penned an ode to giving head... that while she claims shows her softer side... it definitely brought about my harder side.

Size Matters?

2005-04-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

I just had to laugh when I read this news story about a study of penis size in China.

Chinese men should no longer worry about shortcomings in the trouser department.

A scientific survey of men's penises has found that the size of a Chinese man's appendage is not that different from men in the West.

Chinese men have long worried they do not measure up to western men when it comes to penis size.

So a group of scientists in Hong Kong set out to uncover the truth.

They spent five months measuring 148 ethnic Chinese volunteers aged between 23 and 93.

The team found that Italian men had a lot to shout about, with average flaccid penis length of 9cm.

Americans had an average length of 8.8cm, Germans 8.6cm, Israelis 8.3cm, Turks 7.8cm and Filipinos 7.35cm.

And the Chinese came in at 8.46cm.

"There has always been the myth that westerners have bigger penises and their sexual ability is better," said Chan Lung-Wai, director of the Urology Centre at the Union Hospital.

Right off the bat you can tell that this is no scientific survey. They only measured volunteers. Now I ask you - what man with a small penis would volunteer to be measured? Right there you're stacking the deck in your favor.

The other stupid part of this "survey" is they only measure flacid length. While that may be all well and good... Do you know any women who said "My god he's got a nice soft dick?" Generally it has to be hard to do any good. And if not... you best have a good tongue.

Every woman has their secrets for telling how big the package is. If he has big feet... or big hands. Maybe he has a big nose... that must be it. Apparently these larger extremeties are supposed to counter balance the big dick sticking out. I don't know where you girls get this stuff.

With that said... I wear size 13's... and my hands are good sized too. Does that mean anything? I don't think we're far enough in our relationship to share that yet.

It's National Poetry Month

2005-04-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

And what better way to commemorate it here than with something by ee cummings, gosh darnit?

i like my body when it is with your

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like,, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh....And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

Why Join the Mile High Club?

2005-04-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

I will admit that I'm not a member. But to be honest, I really don't have that much interest in becoming one either. I've done plenty of flying in my life, and the thought of sex in an airplane (at least in a standard commercial airliner) has never appealed to me. I think it's the atmosphere. By atmosphere I don't mean the air surrounding the plane. I mean the atmosphere inside the plane. It's the smell... the feel... the sound... it's not at all conducive to good sex. And more than anything, I'm a fan of good sex.

The minute you step on the plane, you're immediately assaulted by the smell of stale air... the smell of old spilled coffee... it's disgusting. The smell of sex is intoxicating... and I would simply hate to have it ruined by the canned air of an airplane. I feel grimy every time I step in one.

Once you're up in the air your ears are assaulted by the whine of the engines. I suppose this is a good thing... hopefully it conceals your actions from the air crew. But part of the allure of sex is the sound too. The moans, the cries, the slick sounds of fucking... the slap of the skin together.

Then there's the cramped nature of it. Unless it's a night flight and everyone is asleep while you're getting a blowjob in your seat... you're pretty much stuck with going to the lavatory. She's going to be bent over a toilet, while your ass is trying not to bump up against the door. You're going to be spending half your time just trying to work out the mechanics, and half of the time trying not to get caught. Where is the time to enjoy it?

In the end I realize it's about doing something taboo and getting away with it. For that alone, I suppose I might do it once, just to say I did it. But really... is that the only reason?

Preventing the Cumspot

2005-04-13T19:57:00.000-07:00

So you've finished up a hot, great, messy fuck. Messy is an important part of course... if it's not messy... then you're probably not doing it right. So how do you clean up afterwards? Some people swear by Cottonelle Wipes. Other people seem to have an amazing fascination with prepackaged moist towelettes. This person has obsessed so much, that he (or she?) created a website devoted to them. You can see panties with a moist towelette pocket, these wipes marketed specifically for use after sex, or these wipes packaged by Playboy.

Everything that you need to keep the cumspot from becoming permanent. Who knows when someone might inspect your bedroom with a black light after all. What would we do without capitalism?

Trimming the Hedges

2005-04-11T20:37:00.000-07:00

It's a rather interesting subject really. For some people shaving down there is an absolute necesity. For others it's a strange thing that people do. Me personally... I shave pretty close. But then again, I use an electric. I just can't bring myself to use an actual blade that close to my boys. It's not just that a lot women like it if you keep things trim... I also like to keep it trim down there. If you can't be adult enough to not let it grow wild like a jungle, what does that say about you? You can go to the stylest to get your hair cut... but you can't trim your bush?

Honestly... who wants to be getting hair balls when you're going down on a woman? But it's more than that. I like the look of it. It doesn't have to bald... in fact I like a landing strip. Gives it character... a look of maturity. But being able to see everything... puffy lips... engorged clit... everything open and free... just adds to it. Geez... my mouth is suddenly watering... huh.

Spring Running

2005-04-08T06:30:00.000-07:00

Belle Helene's memories of car sex have reminded me how much I miss running with a partner. More specifically, I miss running with a girlfriend who likes to take a break for other cardiovascular activities in the middle of our run. There is a parkway near where I live with a running trail, plenty of trees and bushes, a gorgeous river, and a few hidden grassy spaces to lay down.

Sometimes while running we'd duck into the woods for some fun. You'd think in those surroundings... the river gushing, birds chirping, the cool grass against our skin... that we'd somehow take it slow and be romantic. That doesn't happen when you're running. We couldn't get at each other fast enough. Our hearts would be pounding, we'd be sweaty, and the adrenaline would be pumping... this was when we'd fuck.

We'd never strip completely naked... just getting enough exposed to get the job done. There's something about sex while clothed... the extra friction from the fabric against the skin as your bodies rub and grind together. Then there are the tell tale grass stains when you get back on the trail... proof of what you did.

We never did get caught... that we know of. But there were plenty of times when we'd I'd be on top of her, or she's be riding me and someone would run by on the path just a few yards away on the other side of the bushes. We'd be aware of it... sort of... but mostly it was just another part of the atmosphere around us as we went at it.

The only trouble is... what do you do with a used condom when you're in the middle of the woods?

Dissolution of the Third Wall

2005-04-06T21:36:00.000-07:00

I’d taken up the lease on my ex boyfriend’s place. Figuring that he could just use his old apartment as free storage, he left behind a few heavier appliances and pieces of furniture. One of the items left to languish was a fairly large entertainment center with a VCR, wide-screen television, speakers, etc. As I’m not much of a television watcher (I own one, but it currently lives in my front coat closet next to the vacuum cleaner), I tried to move this setup into the most unobtrusive place possible in the small living room.

Although now in posession of an entertainment extravaganza, it never really occurred to me to take advantage of it. Other people would, though, and for a variety of reasons: to check the weather report, the traffic, for example. At least that's what I'm assuming one of the invitees to a dinner I was hosting was doing when he flipped on the TV to the sight of maybe 25-30 under aged Thai kids in glittery headdresses all attached to one another by insertions into various orifices. Their costumes were jingling as they were gyrating and they were all staring intently at the camera. From somewhere behind the camera, one could hear a man yelling at the translator in German, “TELL THEM NOT TO LOOK AT THE CAMERA! TELL THEM NOT TO LOOK AT THE CAMERA!”

Quel horreur, and on so many levels. As a result now, if I do see some porn, I'm not really able to enjoy it for what it is. I'm too busy wondering how much coaching it took to get the players to not look into the camera and to concentrate on one another.

Clues Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

2005-04-06T18:20:00.000-07:00

I guess this is one more reason to make sure you keep your car washed. You don't want to leave any incriminating evidence behind. Image is courtesy of Urban Dictionary.

Creative Visualization

2005-04-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

When I walk home from work, I traverse some pretty desolate territory. I feel safe enough passing through, but sometimes I see things that sort of shock me because of their disconnect from reality (or their surreality).

The other night, after going by the usual group of chop shops and junkyards, I came upon a blank stretch of road with a single car parked. Ordinarily this wouldn't be much cause for attention, but the car was rocking pretty vigorously. When I got closer, I saw two heads pressed against the driver's side window. None of this made sense until I had a half a minute to process and then it hit me: A cardate. (oh my). I averted my eyes and picked up the pace to an almost sprint until I got back to "civilization."

I've not "parked" in some time, and as a result, this little incident gave me pause. I've teased friends while driving by caressing their necks, their ears, by touching their thighs, finding their sensitive spots and coaxing erections when they've let me. One friend of mine, a real multitasker, used to love to speed along with a finger or two inside me. Whenever we would go out, I'd make sure that I was dressed appropriately for easy access (skirt, but no stockings), and he'd manage to both keep us on the road and have his fun with me (something that really amazed me because his car was a manual shift). Sometimes we'd park and play with each other until it was unbearable, then go home to relieve ourselves. At other times, he'd just hurry us home, where we'd spend a frenzied afternoon or evening fucking ourselves to sleep. Once, knowing that I was afraid of lightning, he drove drove us up to the roof of his company's parking garage, parked, pushed my seat back and proceeded to finger and kiss me throughout a thunderstorm. What an intense half hour that was in the passenger seat with my legs spread, my bare behind feeling the leather of the seat (don't know where my panties ended up) still tethered in with seatbelt. I remember flashes of light, a hand caressing my hair, my breasts, warm breath in my ear as he told me what a good girl I was for not being afraid, and the rhythm of my hips as I'd press myself against his hands.

Now, I don't get turned on or anything by thunderstorms as a result of this, but the experience did give me a pleasant diversion from the usual panic that would ordinarily take over my brain. Not a bad thing at all, that.

Going Commando

2005-04-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

I'm definitely a boxers guy... but I enjoy going commando from time to time. Depending on what else you're wearing, it can be quite freeing. Think Seinfeld... "I'm out there Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it!" Of course it can also be extremely stimulating. Last Saturday I went without all day... and found it rather difficult to concentrate at times because I was also wearing a rather snug pair of jeans.

Every time I moved... even while I was sitting and happened to switch to a slightly different position... I felt it. As soon as that starts to happen though, you start to move in order to feel it. Get enough friction going and it doesn't take long to grow against your thigh. When that happens in public of course it can be both embarrassing and exciting... especially when certain juices start to flow. Is it embarrassing or exciting to have a spot of precum showing on your jeans?

Please Welcome Belle Helene

2005-04-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

I've asked my friend Belle Helene if she wanted to post here... and she's graciously accepted. I thought it would be good to have a female voice here to counter the testosterone that is sure to flow. Besides, I figured she could use a good creative outlet for her deviant sexual thoughts just like I did. She's already started to share a few good thoughts... and from the drafts I'm seeing online... has plenty more to share. Hopefully she'll have some fun, and please treat her well everyone.

Objectifying my coworker

2005-04-05T04:28:00.000-07:00

Spotty's words about his coworker's hips got me to musing. Hard as I try not to think about my coworkers in anything but a professional manner, I just can't help but let my mind wander when it comes to the new guy in my workgroup. He's not at all handsome, but is gifted with three things that make me absolutely crazy: an adorable little half-smile (think Mona Lisa), shoulders like a linebacker, and big, strong hands. It's those hands that are making my imagination work overtime right now, I swear. During meetings, I look at them and imagine him as a pianist or a surgeon. I think of his hands throwing clay on a wheel or sculpting. As the meeting progresses, I daydream of those hands kneading my shoulders or rubbing my back, of those long fingers running through my hair. Sometimes, one will rest on my knee or crack an egg (ticklish). Other times, they'll lead the way in gathering me into an embrace by encircling my waist or reaching for my breasts. Then I'll ponder on what it would feel like to rest my head on his chest or shoulder.

I really ought to take up doodling or dreaming about lunch. Much less liable to get me into trouble than my current pastime.

Imaginitive And Definitely Not Work Safe

2005-04-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

But then again, if you're at work, and you're here, you're probably already in trouble.

Eroticalee is definitely worth a visit. Who knew a camera could do these things? Definitely check her out.

Mesmerizing Hips

2005-04-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

There is a woman at work whose cubicle I walk by every day as she's near the main stairwell. She's pretty attractive overall... but the feature that absolutely drives me wild are her hips. I'm personally more of leg and ass man myself... but she makes me want to convert to being a hip man. From time to time I happen to be behind her when she's walking down the hall. She walks like nobody I've ever seen. Granted it accentuates her ass just as much as her hips... yet somehow it's her hips that stick in my mind. She has an absolutely mesmerizing walk. Unfortunately for me she's in a pretty serious relationship. But I wonder... is that a normal walk for a woman, or is she doing it purposefully to drive men like me crazy? Can you have a walk like that naturally?

Different Wavelengths

2005-03-31T18:38:00.000-08:00

Nothing worse than when you have sex on the mind... and the other person just doesn't get it.

Exhibit A: Rollertrain talks about the frustration of trying to watch porn while her man is only interested in his email.

Exhibit B: Blue Eyed Infidel talks about remodeling... and doesn't undertand why talking about 6 inches of wood is so funny.

It's Hard to Aim You Know

2005-03-30T16:45:00.000-08:00

There's nothing quite as funny as good porn out takes... or fake porn out takes. Either way... The money shot doesn't cum easy.

Welcome to The Cumspot

2005-03-29T17:58:00.001-08:00

This is an experiment of mine. I'm not sure how well this will go, or if anyone will actually come here... no pun intended. Well, ok. The pun was intended. This will hopefully become a place for people to talk about sexy, raunchy, funny stuff that they might no otherwise be comfortable talking about.

So take off your clothes and stay awhile. Oh, and if you feel something hit you... there are some wipes over there on the counter. Sorry about the mess.

Welcome to The Cumspot.